Saying no and saying yes

Osho answers a question by Nitin Bharti; “You have to learn how to say yes with totality. That is trust, that is surrender, that is faith.”

Osho, you talked yesterday of children asserting their egos and rebelling against their parents, of being able to say no! And thus creating a spine, an individuality, a freedom.

Osho, do we now come to you and say yes! so that we can drop that ego? By doing so, what will happen to our individuality, freedom and spine?

Nitin Bharti, if the ego is like a ladder: you have to use it but you cannot make your house on it. Or, the ego is like a boat: you can use it to go to the other shore but then you need not carry it on your head for your whole life. It has something essential to do, but it should not become a burden forever; when its purpose is fulfilled it has to be dropped.

Just as a child needs to say no, the mature person one day needs to say yes. If the child cannot say no to the parents, to the authorities, to the teachers, if the child is unable to disobey, he will not attain to any individuality; he will not have any form, shape. He will be just part of the mob mind, the crowd. He will be impotent; he will not be able to stand on his own. He will not have any self-respect. He will remain hotchpotch, an ugly mess. He will not really be born; he will remain in a psychological womb his whole life, ungrown-up. He has to learn how to disobey. And the wise parents will help him to disobey in such a way that disobeying does not distort him. They will give him opportunities to disobey, they will give him opportunities to say no.

That’s exactly the meaning of the biblical parable. God said to Adam, “Don’t eat the fruit of this tree, the tree of knowledge. If you eat the fruit of this tree you will be expelled from paradise.” It is a great temptation! It is giving Adam an opportunity to disobey.

And also God said to Adam, “If you eat the fruit of this tree you will become a mortal; right now you are immortal. Secondly, if you eat the fruit of this tree you will become like gods, all-knowing.” You see the temptation, the multi-dimensional temptation? First: “You will be able to become like gods, all-knowing.” Who would not like to become like gods, all-knowing? And the second, the danger, the risk: “If you eat from this tree you will become mortal; death will start happening to you.” Now it is a challenge! Danger always attracts, and death is the greatest danger.

God did not leave any possibility for Adam to remain obedient. There must have been millions of trees in the Garden of Eden and only one tree of knowledge; if Adam had been left alone, on his own he might not have discovered it up to now. But God didn’t leave it up to him; he pointed out the tree and created the temptation. You think the serpent did it? If the serpent did it, then he must have been in the service of God. […]

Nitin, I am perfectly in favor of creating an ego in the child, because without an ego the child will remain a part of the parents; he will never be an individual on his own. But the no and the no-saying creates only a superficial individuality; because no is negative it cannot create real individuality.

The superficial individuality is called personality; the ego gives you a personality. But it is better than having nothing at all at least it gives you a sense of your being, it defines you. But don’t remain in it forever; it is a passing phase, a stepping-stone. From the personality you have to reach individuality. From the superficial individuality you have to attain to a core individuality. That is possible only by saying yes. But yes is significant only when you have become able to say no. If you say yes from the very beginning, your yes carries no meaning at all; it is meaningless. If you are capable of saying no then your yes has meaning, as much meaning as your no has strength. […]

Now learn how to say yes. No you know perfectly well. In fact, Nitin has come from Africa to be here with me forever – against his parents. This was your ultimate no! Those who come to me, they have to come against their parents, because parents are Hindus, Mohammedans, Christians, Buddhists, Jainas… I am nobody! Coming to me, a Christian will become a non-Christian and a Hindu will become a non-Hindu and a Mohammedan will become a non-Mohammedan.

I am not creating a new religion here, but a new man, a new consciousness. I am not creating a new philosophy or theology, but a new vision, a new humanity. You have to come out of your old, rotten ideologies. Hence parents are bound to be against you; they will not like you to be here. I can understand them – they are worried about you, they care for you. Their worry is utterly wrong, but still it shows their care and their love. They would like you to remain in the fold in which they and their forefathers have always lived. They are worried you may go astray – they have not attained to anything by being in the fold, but still they would like you to be in the fold. It is safer, familiar, more secure.

Nitin has come with his wife against the desires of his parents; that was the ultimate no. Now I will teach you how to say the ultimate yes. The function of the no is complete; if you go on saying no here too, then you are misunderstanding me completely. I am not your father, I am not your mother! I have to take this no away from you and create yes. The work of the no is complete; now you need a higher flight, now you need a higher altitude of being. That is possible only through yes, because yes is positive.

No gives you a negative kind of individuality, yes gives you a positive individuality. A negative individuality is not real individuality, it is only personality, a mask – good in its own time. But remember always that every means has to be transcended some day or other. If you want to reach the goal, one day you will have to leave the way. […]

No is good, but nobody can live in the no, nobody can make a home out of the no. No is suicidal – use it, but go beyond it. Be alert and conscious that you don’t become encaged in the no-saying. Attain to yes; use no as a stepping-stone.

By being part of this commune you have to learn how to say yes with totality. That is trust, that is surrender, that is faith. That’s what will become a bridge, the final bridge between you and God. It will not destroy your freedom; it will simply make your freedom positive.

The answer to the question continues here: There are three kinds of freedom

Be Still and Know, Ch 5, Q 1 (excerpt)